Sigh. After I decided not to think or talk or see or bother towards commitment or true love, and for almost 1 year I happy with it, I am OK the way I am.. the new “whateverlah”me…and today I receive a call from “so-called- best-friend” or “ex-best-friend” or I don’t know how to categorize her into lah…called me with a very shy voice… “ ermm im getting engaged this Sunday..wld u come?” . Suddenly my whole soul & cheerful thoughts fade into bold thick black shit. Thanks to you.
I don’t know why I cant be happy with the news. Envy? Nah… I’ve had better before compared to hers. During Hari Raya for the last few months, I also got the same news from my officemate.. I scream & jump happily for her tho. I think im not that icey hearted evil monster which cant be happy at all to other people good news… but for this one.. the one that I receive today… felt so.. gulping thick black espresso. Bitter.
I couldn’t help myself by thinking back to the old days.. when me & her have such a good time.. I knew her for almost 10 years.. we laughed, cried even shared the same interest in fashion sense together. We had same pair of heels, handbags, same funky top, exactly same pair of corduroy jean and not least, lacey panties. Everytime we saw something nice, we had each other feelings in mind..like “ ehs im sure she also like this” and the next day we came back together to the same shop to buy another one.
She loves my cook, I love her jokes, she addicted to my dirty cursed when I am angry, I admired her straight- from -the -heart critics. She was there when lots of thing going on for me.. regardless good or bad. She knew all my secrets. I think I understand her well too. She said so. We called each other from the office for gossips, even we were housemate. Not enough with that, we faxed each other too. Not to mention the emails…
Her attitude towards me changed god damn fast, quickie than the moment u took to “unhook your bra” after she met her guy.. It seems like you saw Micheal Jackson without make up~! I didn’t recognize her at all. She no longer share her secrets as if im her enemy. Felt so weird coz, that guy is not a stranger to me because he is my Ex’s BESTFRIEND. And the reason she met him also because of me. We always went out together singing karaoke and dinner. I don’t know that once you found the love of your life, you can automatically abandon friends. I thought friend is a friend, darling is darling and char kuey teow is char kuey teow leh. Well I guess I am wrong.
The first thing she did to me is “owh I forgot to inform you I have changed my phone number…” when I ask her why suddenly I couldn’t reach her… my confusing towards her mounting until I don’t know what to do, shld I continue remain close to her but in the same time I scare she think I try to meddle up into her new pink sunglasses world.
Now I come to BELIEVE that no matter how hard life hit you, you only have yourself to rely onto. Yea, after my major breakups, my world fell apart, I don’t even spill a word to her because I know, she wouldn’t give a damn about it. I even got a birthday wishes 10 days earlier from her, and yet she thought the wishes was 5 days belated…….