I Feel Ugly.

I don’t know whether this is only happen to me, or it is a woman thing. Sometimes, I feel ugly and hopeless about it. This occurrence happens to me even more lately. Is this something to do with the work stress? Or, something that I ate this afternoon? Or.. maybe November is around the corner and I never liked the feeling of celebrating another year knowing it will add a number to whatever I am now, Yea, age is just a number. Wait until you experience this yourself. 

This time around, 2 weeks before November – I will be listening to New Kids On The Block’s album, every year. Suddenly, memories of being a teenager, seems so distant. And tried to remember the feeling of how I can’t wait to be a grown up woman, making my own decision and free of being told off.

Well, here I am now. I got what I wished for. But I’m dwelling with this feeling instead. I feel ugly. 

And wish I have mountains of money so that I can make a quick change to this feeling. Like splurge on the best aesthetician for the face and skin, hire the best personal trainer for the body and have a total wardrobe makeover.

As usual, Mike is always be the one who hear this first from me. Told him that I wish I met him sooner, when I was still young. When I feel I am the prettiest. When I look cute while I was asleep or picking up my nose. 

“No need to think about what could’ve been. I’m glad I met you no matter what age. You’re still beautiful. I don’t know how to make you feel differently about yourself. I only can tell you what I know. And, I know you’re beautiful.”

Still, all the sweet words he said to me didn’t change the feel I am feeling now. He said that because he likes me, beautiful lies in the eyes of beholder shit.

“I say it because it’s true” – Mike replied.

Yep, it’s true. When you are ageing, every birthday is sucks.

I can’t help it and keep counting my November to come.

Miss Scorpio.



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