I know! I hardly put up any updates anymore! Ok, I must confess, I’m writing my thoughts, all my non sense feelings & updates SOMEWHERE else! I got A private reader! I don’t know that the feeling of getting response from 01 single reader is more enjoyable than a few. No traffic, no advert clicking support, and of course the chance of getting famous is 0.00003 % but I am happy. I write everyday until I understand & know myself more by doing that. I know, this sounds very unfair, but at least, I confessed. Hehe.
There is one particular topic that I never shared with people. My relationship chronology. But after I read back what I wrote to my private reader, I guess I am finally ok with it. I know my history not very interesting to compare with others or you (whoever reading this now) but, since this is my blog, so I can COPY and PASTE (my own writings) or rewrite what ever I want in here without anybody’s permission!
Since I am in totally vacant position, it made me think of what I’ve been through so far until here I am, still single. From bad temper bf to marrying a friend then a nice guy who turned into Edward Hyde. If people dont understand me, they would think I am a WHORE. Being in & out for about 5 relationships and yet never settled. But that’s about it. I never sleep with other men/strangers in between, but I think Im no longer fit into a normal, decent category. yes?
People has their own listing & criteria in finding their soul mate. Good hearted, rich, handsome, and some even go for a bad boy for a thrill. I started with good hearted guy, during my university & I left him for a bad boy. And this bad boy is a hot temper type leave me black & blue so have to end it and be with the handsome one. He was an air steward & freelance TV commercial model but he keep making my heart stop beating every time I caught him flirting, flaunting himself into every girl! He’s vain and I can’t take it when he starting to share my facial wash & face cream ! He Keep pointing at my shoes didn’t match my bag and my bag didn’t match my skirt! Then Im married to a friend, a rich guy who made me gave up of who I am, in the end I found myself under appreciated. Im enough with Malay guys, so I find myself a Chinese guy. He’s loving & kind hearted, even he did not make much earning, dont know how to cook but Im really happy. It just.. he’s younger!
2 years ago, I brought up the issue of the age gap,race, etc etc he said he dont mind at all. But after I truly believed love has no exception, he dumped me and AGE was the reason! Maybe he out of excuse to dump me, but by looking at his new choice, which is younger & Chinese, I felt cheated!
So I was thinking… which type of men I haven’t try my luck yet? Did I tell you that one of my Ex is ugly, fat, short & dark? Yes, been with, through that too! My private reader replies me ;
“You just haven’t found somebody to live up to your standards yet. Even if the standard seems easy to achieve”
I mean why? Why my ‘easy standard’ became so complicated to achieve? Or.. maybe it is me! Something wrong with me!? Heartbroken people keep saying there is no such thing as “true love”, I nodded and partly accepted it. But the other part of me.. still want to believe its existence.
It is an X-Files which can never be solved or explained. I should stop dating human & find alien instead. MARS, here I come.
Scully: I’ve heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want are the answers.